First Loves

Do you remember your first love? I do. I was in the 8th grade and got to know this boy on the track team. He invited me to a dance and the rest was history. I proceeded to date him off and on for about 5 years before we finally went our seperate ways. Although I am HAPPILY married, you never forget that FIRST time you give your heart away. Well, here we are at the beginning of 2008 and my two oldest children are on their way to what could possibly be their First Loves.

Mike and I have always had this rule that our children would not start relationships until they were 16 and even then it would be modified courtship. Sam, now 16 nas never really been interested in pursuing a relationship with a girl and so it has been no big deal. Grace, now 14 and 3/4, , however, has had issues with this rule since she was 12. We had determined to stand our ground because from personal experience and observing other young teens, kids are just not ready for realtionships. They are already going through so much from hormones and changing that to add relationships on top of that is just asking for trouble. They aHOWEVER...

Several weeks ago Mike and I noticed that Grace was periodically talking to one of Sam's friends when we would be in group situations. We know the family well and have had talks with the parents about Grace not being able to date, etc. They began to "facebook" each other and before you know it, they process to have a mutual like. In the meantime, Mike and I began to have a change of heart. We truly believe it is the Lord because neither of us was going to budge ont he whole dating issue and yet one night, we began to compare notes and we were feeling the same exact thing...if we wanted out kids to have successful relationships as adults then it is our job to TEACH them to have a sucessful relationships. It is our job to help them navigate and do things the right way. Cut back to Grace and her friend, Ricky. He knew that she was not allowed to have a boyfriend and was going to totally respect that and the fact that we didn't allow phone calls. But he did ask her if she might ask her parents to reconsider. We did and she was floored! After about another week, Ricky sat in our living room under the scrutiny of Mike and I and fielded questions regarding his faith as well as enduring about 45 minutes of lecture from Mike and I (plus a page and a half of notes ) regarding what our boundaries are and what we expect if he wants to spend time with our daughter. He took it like a man and I am very happy to say that Grace has a friend-boy. Ricky Adams is an accomplished athlete and student, believes God is the center of his life, and is quite smitten with Grace, according to his mother. And by the way, I spoke to his mom at the very beginning and they were and are totally and completely supportive of our boundaries and guidelines. Cool

In the meantime, Sam met a young lady at one of his band gigs. In fact, her daddy is the pastor of the church that they played at. They began to facebook and before we knew it, our son was very muc interested in Laura Beth. We has moved slower than Grace and Ricky, however, they have now professed mutual like and he is going over to her house tonight to have dinner with her family and to ask her father permission to spend more time with her. Laura Beth is a beautiful homeschool girl who sings and dances and plays violin. Mike knows her dad pretty well from different pastor related events in the community. Once Sam meets with Laura Beth's dad, we plan to have a little heart to heart with them as well and spell out our guidelines if they differ from her dad's.

We have gone from NO relationships to TWO! Mike and I told the kids that this is all new and that although we have lots of ideas of how we want things to go, they still need to understand that this is uncharted territory and they need to be patient with us. So far, so good! This is definitely modified dating/courtship. I guess it's not really courtship yet because they are all still in the "getting to know you" phase of things. It is still all about group situations and NO touchy feely stuff. But I am excited. It has really brought the best out in both the kids and Grace and my relationship has improved 100%.

The next step is for Mike and I to get to know the friend boy and girl better. We plan to have game night soon so that we can hang out and just see how they all interact with one another.

Tonight, Sam plans to go to Laura Beth's for dinner and meet her parents and hang out with them. Mike and I and Grace plan to meet Ricky and his parents and some other friends at the Greenwood Basketball game. They plan to play one of the cross town rivals and it plans to be big. Jessie is spending the afternoon/evening with her friend Hope.

First Loves sometimes mean first heart breaks. But we plan to help them navigate that successfully, too, should that be part of our future. I always dreaded this time coming into our lives. But now that it is here, I have peace and joy as I watch my two oldest babies take the next step toward adulthood and maturity.